I have been pondering some thoughts today that I thought I would share. I write this from a heart that is concerned about where the children of today are headed sad to say but I refer to both christian and non-christian children of today. We as their parents are responsible to teach them what is wrong and what is right. What is acceptable and what is not. We need to teach them to NOT be self focused but to focus on the good of others. When we learn to look to the good of others we don't have the time for self pity or to carry a victim mentality. Do to others as you would have them do to you.....There was an incident that happened that just got me to thinking and pondering and recalling many things I have observed around me over the years. So I am writing them down here and sharing my thoughts with all of you. As my sweet friend Tracy calls them the PONDERING moments...
Tracy I know you will get what I am saying and I am pretty sure we are of the same mind in my thinking but go ahead and share your take on my thoughts I always love to hear what you have to say.
I am observing more and more how so many kids of today snow their parents with deceit by over dramatizing the truth. In a sense so many children today are getting away with bearing false witness against others. When we as parents allow our children to do this we are allowing them to sin against others and bring harm to the reputation of those they are making accusations towards.. We as parents have the responsibility to teach our children how to tell the difference between someone who has TRULY and PURPOSELY sinned against them wanting to cause them harm and someone who was behaving in a childish and or a foolish manner.
Now I am not saying that being foolish is okay because it is not something we condone in our home. Even the Bible says it is bound up in the heart of a child and needs to be driven/corrected far from them. But I know I want my children to be judged by God fairly therefore I want them to give others that same respect by giving them the benefit of the doubt. I don't ever want them to be so quick to pass judgement on others which is not even our place anyway that is God's job. God tells us He will judge us in the same manner that we judge others.
When we allow our children to become dramatic in their behavior, it tends to cause a victim mentality in them which in turn can cause them to view things in a very skewed manner. Viewing everything as a crime against them and not learning to give people the benefit of the doubt will only cause others to shy away from them because they will be viewed as tale bearing/gossips someone you cannot truly trust. Someone who takes everything to heart and makes up stories by distorting the truth. This is usually done by those who wallow in the drama of their own of self pity. Therefore you never know if or when they may turn on you as well as tell stories that always seem to embellish on the truth.
If my children are going to make a statement indicating something negative in regards to someone else they better have a strong and solid case against that person in order to be making such a strong and bold statement against them. I would also find it necessary to correct my other children if they then begin to form opinions of other family members of this person without just cause. Hearsay that is not even accurate is NOT a just cause. What type of example would I be setting if I allowed my children to behave this way towards other people?
I am the first to want to know if my child harms anyone in anyway. And when it comes to foolish/childish behavior we have a rule, if it isn't fun for everyone it is NOT fun. So if you are playing around with someone and they don't find it fun or funny then you are to stop immediately, period end of story. But it is important to me to be sure I am NOT encouraging my children to automatically take offense to everything someone says or does to them. I don't want my children to grow up with a victim mentality. It is not fair to others and I am not doing my children any justice in allowing them to do so.
In an incident like this I feel it appropriate that both children should be addressed regarding this matter. It should be explained to the one who was being foolish/childish that when we act foolishly/childish it can cause someone else to have hurt feelings or view us differently. And even though what was done was NOT done to intentionally cause the other person harm it may still hurt their feelings so we need to always be aware of what we say and do especially when others are involved. And then for the one who ran to their parents with a story that was not even the truth, I would focus on why the child would lie using such harsh and false accusations against the other child. Using very strong words saying someone said very very mean mean things to you almost acting hateful towards you is a big thing to accuse someone else of. That should NOT be taken lightly when it isn't the truth I feel that shows it is time to address the child for making these false claims and accusations against another.
In our home we have a process my husband made up that we follow when someone does something to the other. The first child is to tell the other child what they feel they did wrong or what they didn't like done/said to them and they are to ask the other person to stop. If the other person stops then that is the end of the problem and they carry on. No bad feelings no harboring on the issue they let it go and move on. If the other person doesn't stop there is a good chance they are trying to be hurtful therefore the first child tells the other child that they are to go tell on themselves. At that point we hear the story from the child himself and we decide, as parents, if what the child was doing was wrong and needs to be addressed. If we felt it was not an issue we explain why and they go off on their way. By doing this we are teaching them to not take everything as a harmful act committed against them. It helps prevent that victim mentality. Now if the first child tells the other child to tell on themselves and they don't then and only then may that first child come and tell us what was done and said and we handle it as disobediience. We want the child to come to us whether they think it was a big deal or not because it helps teach them what is okay and what is not okay when they discuss it with us. They won't know unless they are taught. Now if the first child comes running to us without first going thru the process then they will also be corrected. Because we consider that bearing false witness being a gossip and we just DONT TOLERATE that in our home. God addresses gossips and tale bearers in the bible and not in a good manner.
Sadly I have seen so many children lose friends because of this kind of behavior and as parents we are not doing our children any justice by allowing them to behave in this manner. Isn't it better to teach our children to give people the benefit of the doubt instead of thinking the worst of them ? In doing so they will quickly learn that the world is NOT out to get them and that people are human and we all make mistakes. I want my children to learn and grow to become like.....the following verses......
1Co 13:5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
1Co 13:6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth.
That is the goal for my children because I want them to learn to always treat others the way they want to be treated. That is what I have always focused on teaching them and I will continue to do so until my job of training them is done. We are far from perfect and are still a work in progress but I think for the most part my children have the basic knowledge and understanding of how important it is to be careful of what you accuse others of because while they may be busy pointing their finger at someone else there are 3 fingers pointing back at themselves. They have their own work to be doing on themselves they don't have time to be pointing out the faults of others..... Let he who has no sin cast the first stone....
Anyway that's my thoughts for the moment.......What's your take on it???
Dearest Lord,
I pray that you plant your seed in the hearts of the children of today so that as they grow it will germinate with time . I pray that the future generation will be for you Lord and they will live for you and serve you with their whole hearts. I pray you put the urgency of this need on the hearts of parents of today! In Jesus name I pray. Amen
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